if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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