got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
