Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hello my rib-scented angel!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
