We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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