just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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