Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
