Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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