Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
