I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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