Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
