I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
