I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
