I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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