i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
