I faked an abortion last night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
