I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
