Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
