She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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