Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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