the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
