It's Friday. Sex?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
