you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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