imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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