Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize