She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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