I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
