my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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