3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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