I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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