Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
