I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
