so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize