ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my poor anus
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
