dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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