We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
