one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize