I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What do you mean you havenโt had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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