Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
