i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
