Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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