dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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