grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i will never coherently bang her
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize