Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have demons in me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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