Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
