you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
