There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
