i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize