Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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