She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Are we still banned from the library?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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