Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
