i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
