i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
