the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Come see our sink grown plant.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Randomize