RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
