I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
