i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
