I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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