I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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