Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize