Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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