no. you can't hotbox the world.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize