i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You're a disaster
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