i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
