I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
