I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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