Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
