Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
