dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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