Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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