and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
