You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
