I have demons in me.
i was born a porn star she said
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
